Getting Over the Struggle

For those who have been successful but may be struggling a little, the following are transaction communication patterns (flaws) that often become unnoticeable habits (to us) that create challenges and roadblocks in our interactions with others.

Promoting my value

• Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion
• Claiming credit that we do not deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contributions to any success.
• Passing judgement: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
• Starting with “No”, “But”, or “However”: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong”.
• Making destructive comments: the needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make up sound sharp and witty.

Overusing emotions

• Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
• Negativity: “Let me explain why that won’t work”: The need to share our negative thoughts even when we were not asked.
• Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset to blaming everyone else.
• Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behaviour as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.
• Playing favourites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.

Empowering the Ego

• An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they are who we are.
• Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
• Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we are wrong, or recognise how our actions affect others.
• Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it matters, when it doesn’t and when it is totally beside the point.
• Telling the world how smart you are: The need to show people we’re smarter than they think we are.

Upholding Boundaries

• Withholding information: The refusal to share information with others to maintain an advantage over them.
• Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to praise and reward.
• Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
• Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.
• Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help.

by Graham Sleep

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